I See Dead People
Okay, not really, but I can drive through my current and former service areas and give a very different tour of the area than most are used to getting, as most of us that have been doing this for more than a minute can. Worked a code in the middle of that restaurant over there. That house over there? Sure, it’s a nice house, but they definitely didn’t clean that all up. Clean what up? Don’t worry about it. Delivered a baby here, people get shot all the time there, and definitely don’t stay in that hotel. Or that one over there.
People that aren’t in EMS, Fire and Law Enforcement, it turns out, don’t typically provide these types of tours for their friends and family. One morning a lady was walking and found a guy who had passed away, she rightfully called 911. When we got there with the fire department, he was obviously dead, he was clearly dead, starting to bloat and decompose a bit. DOA, nothing much to do here. The lady strikes up a conversation with the engine Captain and they walk 50 yards or so down the trail. My crew, the rest of the FD crew and PD start quietly talking about what the FD is probably cooking for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. What we are doing on our days off, us and PD were coming up on our three-day weekend off and the FD was starting their four day break the next morning. Suddenly we hear crying from down the trail. This poor lady has finally lost it. Later talking to the Captain he said that she was overcome with the loss of life, that she had never experienced something like this, and other than TV she has never even seen a dead body. She was in her 60s. Never seen a dead body. How many dead bodies have you seen this month? On a real bad shift, how many dead bodies have you seen in one day? It turns out that regular, everyday people don’t routinely see dead bodies. Who knew?
Clearly this must affect us, there is no way that it can’t. What keeps us coming back, day after day? How do we cope, how do we stay in the game at work, at home, and within ourselves?
First, for me, I had to answer that very question, I had to dig deep and answer: “Why?” As Simon Sinek’s book title says, Start with Why. So why do I keep coming back? I think the answer to that question has changed over the years. At 17 when I started, it was all about the blood and guts, the lights and sirens and the adrenaline rush of going to the bad wrecks and the traumas. The sick old lady? Sure, I was compassionate and took care of them, but that wasn’t the “cool” stuff I was there for. As I got older and grew as a person and professional, I was there for the challenge, and the people. I began to realize that there was more to this than trauma, the medical calls made you think and I wanted to learn all I could and be the best. I also realized that we get the honor and privilege to care for people, to connect on a really personal level, and be there on potentially the worst day of their lives and make it better, even if it is only marginally. We are the calm in their storm. In the past seven or eight years, I am still striving to learn and be the best, and love connecting with people, but my goals are different. Now my “why” is focused on passing on what I know, learning from what I don’t, helping the next generation grow, and to hopefully leave something of value with those that I interact with.
Next, I needed to learn how to not be a paramedic. On my days off, anyway. Coming up through my 20s and even most of my 30s, it was work, work, work. It was a necessity, because back then I wasn’t making very good money, and it was my personality. I dive into whatever I am doing headfirst and am all in. I have never been one to sit on the sidelines, if I am going to do something, I am all in, 110%. I don’t know where I learned it from, but I still believe being lazy or being considered lazy is one of the worst attributes someone can see in you. Now I still do more than the minimum at work, but I temper that a bit and focus that energy on being home with my wife and kids, disconnecting and forgetting about work on my days off. It is still a struggle, but I am working on it.
Having connections and a circle you can count on is key, as well. My circle is small, but they are more like family than just friends. My longest friends have been there with me through all of my highs and lows, we’ve drunk celebratory beers, had tears over Jack and Cokes, sometimes they know I’m struggling with something before I do. Having people in your corner that you can turn to is invaluable, but having those same people do the same job as you is even more priceless. People in our business get us. I have been a member of my department’s peer support team for about 15 minutes, but I have seen the value in it for a long time. Be there for each other, reach out when one of your own is struggling, and don’t be afraid to talk when something is bothering you. We are humans that at times do superhuman things, and it’s okay to say you’re not okay.
Sometimes you need to reach out to a professional, be it a therapist or psychologist or whatever mental health professional it is. That’s okay, too. I will say that you cannot stop at the first one you visit if it doesn’t work out. Finding the right mental health professional for you is like dating. You have to find the right person that you feel comfortable with, that you can connect with and is the right personality for you.
Learning compassion, empathy and acceptance will take you far, as well. No matter why someone called upon you, no matter what time of day or night, no matter how trivial we think the reason is, we have an obligation to provide a service, show compassion, to have empathy and to treat them as humans. It is not our place to pass judgement, just as much as we wouldn’t want them to pass judgement on us. We have only known them for the duration of our call, we don’t know their story. As my friend Casey said in an earlier blog post, the last S in EMS stands for SERVICE.
This job, this calling, is not for the feint of heart. We see the best of the best, the worst of the worst, and everything in between. We take care of the richest of the rich, to the poorest of the poor, taking care of people that live behind dumpsters to those that live in mansions. Heart attacks to shootings to overdoses to sick calls to car wrecks. All of this in one shift, a lot of days. In every patient and family we meet there is a story, and the minute they call 911 and we show up we become part of that story, and a piece of them becomes part of our story. Learning to live with those stories and frame them in a positive light, or at least a light we can live with, is the key to career and life longevity.
Always talk if you are struggling. Be safe, watch out for each other, do good work and leave it better than you found it.
