R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me
I personally cannot think about the word respect without singing Aretha Franklin’s Respect in my head, so you might as well put it on while you read this blog.
One way to make a positive impact can be summed up in one word: respect. While trying to find the source for the quote “respect is not demanded, it is earned”, I found the entire quote that came from Pakistani Beggar King Hussein Nishah (1538–1599), who wrote, “Treat people the way you want to be treated. Talk to people the way you want to be talked to. Respect is earned, not given.” Link to source. This is what we should be doing every day, and it is what most of us do. That said, it always amazes me how people who are in the business of dealing with people, have no clue how to deal with people. We will talk about self respect and respect for others, how to show respect and some things that we do that can be seen as disrespectful. Bonus at the end for my own personal list of things that I find disrespectful.
Self respect is pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity, as defined by Oxford Languages. We each hold different moral principles and values, and different perceptions of self worth. Stress and internal conflict come into play when a situation directly challenges our morals or values, these situations can affect our self respect. Situations such as caring for a patient having complications after an abortion, or caring for a patient being transferred out of a prison, or the aggressor in a domestic violence situation, for example. If you do not support abortion, or are uncomfortable taking care of an incarcerated patient, that can create stress and a moral dilemma. It is our job to care for the human, not to impose our views or feelings on them, and have it negatively affect their care. The ability to stand up to those challenges is dependent on our self confidence, which can potentially change based on the situation. Catherine Sanderson describes this in her book “Why We Act: Turning Bystanders Into Moral Rebels” as moral courage. Moral courage is “one’s judgement and ability to affect the course of events.” Consider that you are 18 years old, you typically are a confident person with strong morals and values, and typically have the self respect and high self-esteem to stand up for what you believe in. Now that 18 year old gets their EMT certification and begins their career in EMS. It is their first job. They see behavior from coworkers, or worse, their FTO or supervisor, that challenges those values. How likely are they going to have the self confidence to stand up for their values? It is unlikely, and will eventually lead to a decline in their self respect, confidence and ultimately their performance and passion for the job. This is why it is so important to have a workplace that defines its values and expects its employees and supervisors to uphold them uniformly, across the board. Not to mention a harassment and discrimination free work place. Having sat through human resources training at many jobs, it is always striking that the people that are the most vocal against the training are usually the ones that need it most.
Respect for others is self explanatory, but something I see a lack of everyday, either in the news or in person. Many in today’s society seem to have taken a very individualistic approach to how they interact with others, caring only for what is best for them in the here and now, with no regard for how it may affect those around them. People seem self-important, that they are better than others and want instant gratification. I can’t find the source, or truthfully if this was a true story, but it gets the point across nonetheless. The story goes that there was a high level, executive position open at this large company. They were holding job interviews and as each applicant got off of the elevator, they walked by a cleaning person sweeping the floor who said hi to them as they walked by. The cleaning person had a name badge prominently displayed and briefly attempted a short, cordial conversation. Another person did the same further down the hall, only he was in a suit, again with a name tag prominently displayed. As each applicant was pulled into the boardroom, the first question they were asked was: “What was the name of the man in the suit?” The second was: “What was the name of the cleaning person?” Of course, most of the potential executives knew the name of the man in the suit, not many could recall the name of the cleaning person. The man in the suit had a greater perceived value than the cleaning person to the applicants. Those that could not recall the cleaning person’s name did not get past the second question, and obviously didn’t get the job. The CEO of the company made the point that every person holds value, not just those that you perceive as “important”.
This lesson is so applicable to EMS. I had one of those days a few months ago that kicked my whole ass. One of those days you drive home with a thousand yard stare, radio off, hands at ten and two on the steering wheel, doing the speed limit while you try to figure out what the hell just happened. We went from pediatric patients to geriatric patients, from impoverished communities to wealthy ones, from sick calls to shootings to cardiac arrests. Some days you are the windshield, some days you are the bug. I was definitely the bug. We met people from literally every walk of life, from homeless to millionaire. It spoke to how awesome EMS is, because doing that is really cool, but it also spoke to the need to treat everyone with respect, fairness and compassion. Every one of those patients had a story. I don’t know why that patient became homeless. Did he get fired from a company that was downsizing, have no family or other resources and no other job prospects? That person suffering from addiction, did they have some unspeakable trauma that led them to use to numb the pain? Is that seemingly well-off person hiding skeletons of all of the bad things they have done in the past? We have no place to judge, our place is to respect people as humans and to care.
Setting the Stage: Why Health Care Needs a Culture of Respect: Source
Listen to understand: all to often we ask questions and don’t focus on the answer, we are too concerned about what the next question is. Be present.
Keep your promises: Say what you mean, mean what you say
Be encouraging: EMS is a team sport, be there for each other
Connect with others: network, learn from others, be a mentor
Express gratitude: we all too often focus on the negative
Share information: knowledge is made to be passed on
Speak up: if you see bad behavior, say something
Walk in their shoes: be empathetic, to patients and coworkers
Grow and develop: you can always, and should always, learn
Be a team player: don’t be adversarial for the sake of being adversarial
Some of my personal pet peeves and signs of disrespect:
People looking at their smart watches while talking to patients, or driving an ambulance. Might as well pull your phone out.
Leaving your trash behind in someone’s house, or not moving furniture back after you move it. “If it were a true emergency, they wouldn’t care.” Stop, we are guests in someone else’s house, plus if it is a “true” emergency, clean up so the patient or family doesn’t need to when they get home.
The “trauma naked” or other similar EMS shirts or stickers. You want to be taken seriously as a professional? Don’t wear those shirts. Burn them all.
Treating any person poorly, but especially the elderly population. This woman is 96 years old, you can be patient and help her out with getting things together (within reason) before going to the hospital.
Judging others based on appearances, lifestyle choices, or socioeconomic status. Who are YOU to judge anyone? You don’t know their story. Be kind.
John Maxwell describes in his book “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership” seven ways leaders gain the respect of others:
Natural leadership ability
Respect for others
Difficulties overcome
Courage
Success
Loyalty
Value added to others
