Why, oh why, am I here?
The catalyst for creating this page, and this blog, was built out of frustration if I am to be honest. The past few years have been rough. Dealing with a pandemic, increased call volume and staffing struggles at work coupled with having my son in January of 2021 and being scared about getting him sick, I really thought about walking away from the only career I’ve known for over 20 years. It took a lot of introspection and discussions with my wife, close friends and mentors to get my head back into the game.
The big question I ask myself now is “Why?”. Why am I here? Why am I riding around in this big metal box, potentially putting myself in harms way when my wife, son and now, my daughter, are at home?
I really think asking yourself that question can help keep things in perspective and keep you focused. What is your “why”? Everyone has a “why”, and it changes over the course of your career, at least mine has.
Growing up, my mom was in and out of the hospital a lot. She had two liver transplants and dealt with liver disease and it’s complications for most of my life. As a kid I was going to save the world, be a doctor and stomp out disease and suffering. I knew I wanted to go into medicine, and as a teenager I had friends in EMS who made it seem so cool. I got my driver’s license at 17 and rolled up to the local rescue squad, ready to go. They didn’t even need to train me! I was a teenager, I already knew it all! My “why” back then was how awesome the lights and sirens were, everything was exciting, the trauma, the drama, the blood and guts, we were doing the thing with our MAST pants and high flow oxygen.
Then I started to grow up, and my why changed from “this is all shiny and new”, to “I have got to do better”. I learned, and started to really focus on taking the best possible care of my patients, and developing patience, as well. I wanted to be the best, this wasn’t just about the lights and sirens. Every call is someone’s life, I am part of that person’s story forever, I should probably focus on trying to be the hero, not the villain.
After a while I started teaching and precepting, passing on what I had learned and trying to influence the next generation in a positive direction. I hope I have helped some folks along the way, and hope that some of the lessons I have taught them they are now passing on to their students. This is my “why” now. Hopefully I pass on some knowledge that will keep a medic, or EMT/AEMT, safe one day, or help them to save someone’s life. That is a pretty awesome responsibility, and privilege, and a “why” that I can focus on until the next evolution of my career.
EMS is truly a calling, and a passion, and I could not imagine doing anything else. I am fortunate enough to work for a great agency and county that aren’t perfect, but treat us very well, and have the support of my family and friends, I just need to remember my “why” sometimes.
Tell me about your “why” in the comments:
